I miss people actually talking to each other, instead of being online. I could go on Grindr, chat someone up and invite them round, but I don’t like the idea of inviting a stranger into my house. If I wanted to have sex tonight, I could probably find someone, but I wouldn’t feel the connection. Is that OK? That 40-year-old men can approach 16-year-olds? I was like: what are you doing? You’re 40. I remember going on Grindr when I was 16, and I was terrified because older men started sending me photos. People sleep around, and it’s not my scene, so finding a long-term partner can be difficult. Growing up and finding out I was gay changed everything.Īt my age, a lot of gay men are quite sleazy. When I was really young, I imagined myself being with a woman, because that was the norm. ‘I went on Grindr when I was 16, and I was terrified’ A man of my age would expect me to cook his food. He’d have to be pretty damned gorgeous, but I don’t think I could now. When I told my grandson, he burst out laughing. Then I realised it was a euphemism for sexually active. I’m divorced now and, a couple of years back, a male acquaintance asked, “Are you still active?” And I thought, what’s he on about? My arms and legs still work. I married at 24 and had two children, but I used to wish I could have sex just for the sake of it. The greatest liberation was the contraceptive pill. That destroyed a lot of the pleasure for women. Even when you were married, you were holding back, in case you got pregnant again. You didn’t go further unless you were stupid, because it would ruin your life. You couldn’t enjoy sex to that extent, because you’d be afraid of losing control. There was a bath in the kitchen and, if you didn’t want to miss the party, people could hand you a drink through the curtain.īut I’d never go all the way. This was unheard of at the time, but by gosh we had fun. My friend and I shared a flat with three chaps. For her, sex would have been something a woman endured rather than enjoyed.Ĭoming to London in 1955 was a revelation. My grandmother was a Victorian and wouldn’t mention the lavatory.